I feel like it’s somehow inevitable that I stumble upon a low budget British horror movie every time I do this. Last year it was “Benny Loves You”. This year I’m learning how to kill monsters. I just sort of fall backwards into these things and while they aren’t just slam dunks, they have some redeeming qualities to them. Low budget doesn’t automatically mean crappy. But for every Blair Witch that strikes gold, there’s so many more that are left with something to be desired. Lets say this one is somewhere in the middle.
As always, lets start with the good. For something that definitely seems to be low budget, it doesn’t mean that the production quality is just garbage. As a lifelong fan of Mystery Science Theater 3000, and the more recent spinoff years with Rifftrax, I’m very aquatinted with the low budget crappy horror movie. Most folks have taken in at least one or two, if they have any penchant for the cinema. But this movie really does still present you with something that’s relatively watchable. It doesn’t reek of student film fanfare or a weekend at the cabin with a rented camera. For all intents and purposes, this appears as though it’s a proper film. At least for the most part. They erred on the side, many times, of practical effects and I think this worked in their favor most of the time. It meant meant the CGI seams of some of the more notoriously bad films of this caliber were not as prominent. Many a time some filmmaker to be seems to have a buddy who knows their way around some editing software more than the average joe and attempts to take a mediocre production to the next level with some fancy store bought computer graphics. It’s just as rare that those actually play out as worthwhile. Practical effects are born out of the mother of necessity, invention. When it comes to achieving most of the “monsters” in this particular flick, while they might not be terribly impressive, they are very much on screen with our principle cast. There’s very few cheesy shots intended for post production payoff that languished in disappointing effects. Sure, the actual effects weren’t great but they were continuous and shot well, at least for the most part.
That’s the other thing I’ll give this movie. In addition to the practicality box being heavily checked, the camera work seemed to be the alley to the oop of the on screen effects. Shooting things with creative application in mind really made the marriage of cheesy and compelling come together on a number of occasions. I will say that since I took in Psycho Goreman last year, that’s become my gold standard. I can say that they didn’t quite hit the mark in the same ways that PG shone brightest, but it felt like they were at least in the same ball park with much of their camera work. The build up at the beginning, the continuity between natural and supernatural balanced out well. As dramatic as the acting would allow for, the scene’s played out better than expected and a lot of that I feel is due at least partially to the watchful eye of the director. Temper your expectations accordingly. I’m not going to call the team behind the camera one that’s in league with a Raimi or a Carpenter, even with similar budget and aptitude, but I don’t think Sam or John would be thoroughly disappointed in this horrific outing either. I think the effort is matched in what they put out and it shows that despite some pretty groan worthy one liners and quips, the energy and enthusiasm with which this picture was assembled and executed was well above many of the standard straight to video horror fare.
I would say that this is pretty much where the praise ends though. While I can find several good things to say about this film, it’s still yet another pretty rancid attempt. I mean, I knew this one wasn’t going to be a diamond in the rough. But whatever sparked my curiosity when I was first scrolling through Amazon Prime to find horror titles to pad my list, this one jumped out at me. Unfortunately, I’m not scouring the Amazon shelves currently for a physical copy to put on the shelf with the rest of my films. That really is a metric I feel I should probably measure with more sincerity now that I’m in my third year of doing this. One thing that’s actually really fun about this project is the fact that I have genuinely found a handful of movies that do proudly sit on the shelves because of pushing myself to do things like this. By ensuring that all 31 films are brand new to me, it opens up an exclusive world of new and different films for me to digest. It’s sort of the open casting call that an American Idol would hope to find. Stop in to each of the streaming platforms and do a bit of a deep dive through their catalog. Scouring even the dredges of what comprises their horror sections to find something truly fantastic that’s hiding amongst the rubbish. While I already owned PG because it jumped out at me from somewhere, that was back in my far more irresponsible movie purchasing days when I’d pick stuff up at random with little regard for shelf space. Now that it’s at a premium, I have to be more discerning. Admittedly I’ve already double dipped on the PG side of things, “How to Kill” isn’t one I’m eagerly anticipating any special editions. I don’t know that even the fanciest of boutique labels could entice me with fancy packaging or extras with this one unfortunately.
I think ultimately this movie just didn’t fully hit whatever mark it was going for in the end. I’ll give them an A for effort but that’s about all they’re going to get. They did some great work and put out a reasonably quality product. I won’t say the film isn’t worth the time to watch it. I would say that this one is probably better fodder for a die hard horror fan. It’s too far off the main road for your typical movie lover who dabbles in horror here and there but stays close to the Hollywood releases and franchise classics. This one is for someone who is consuming horror on the regular and is often running out of new things to watch. Knowing what kind of other garbage is out there, I think it’s reasonable to say that if you can overlook some of the low budgetness of this movie and a fair amount of the less than stellar acting, you can really get something decent out of this flick. I wouldn’t be surprised if this was a PG kind of find for some folks. It didn’t reach that level for me but I have to believe that this one scratched that spooky itch for a handful of folks somewhere out there and I’m happy for them. PG is one of my new favs. And even from a couple of years ago when I checked out “Dave Made a Maze” with one of my favorite comedians, Nick Thune, I was very pleasantly surprised to find a fancy Arrow Video release of that one. So I know these movies can find an audience. I just know with this one, I wasn’t it.
What this means in the end is my official grade probably dips below the 5 out of 10 scale. I know if you’re grading a term paper, a 50% means you failed pretty miserably. But in the world of movie making, a lot of stuff really aims for that middle of the road. I have sort of an unwritten rule that if I catch a trailer for a movie and it really sparks my curiosity in just the right way, that movie has at least a 6 on IMDb and is relatively affordable on Amazon, I may just err on the side of a blind buy if I think it will work out. Like I said, with space on the shelf being a very real factor anymore, I’m not quite as apt to take as many chances, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have plenty of IMDb 6’s on my shelves I’ve never seen before. Or at least that was how they made it up there in the first place. So a 5 is still a really watchable movie in my opinion. I feel like a slight bump over a 4 is where I’m settling on this one so I’ll go 4.1 out of 10. That seems fair somehow. It just sort of fits this movie. Below a 5 means it’s easily not for everyone. But it’s also not really a 2 or lower where it’ ultimately just garbage with few redeeming factors. This movie is definitely watchable and mostly fun for a one time watch. I think you could turn this on and have a reasonably good time watching it. It’s not going to be some untapped fount of horror bliss that you’ll revisit on the regular. But if you just needed some kind of palate cleanser and were in the mood for this one, I think you’ve got a better than decent chance it will hold your attention until the end. I may have struggled in the last 30 minutes of the movie. It was late and I was tired. I should have given it the respect to either turn it off and revisit it or wake back up enough to really watch the film. As it stands, the last third of the movie is a little hazy for me. I thought about going back to rewatch that piece just in case I missed anything. Then I realized I’m almost positive I didn’t and just left it there at that. So I can passively recommend this one if you think you fit that niche class of horror fan that I think this might fit. If you’ve not seen it and you’re looking for a dark, horror comedy with a British twist, I think you could be pleasantly surprised by this one. I certainly don’t think you’ll be terrifically disappointed. You might be regular disappointed but I’m not going to be held responsible for that. I’ve said my piece. So we’ll leave this instructional video on just how to dispatch the ghoulish nightmares unleashed on a small British hamlet contained in “How to Kill Monsters” here for the niche folks and keep this party rolling. Until next time, I’ll catch you on the flip side.
