Sleepaway Camp

I think a part of why I selected this one today was because I’ve been lingering in the modern era and felt like I needed to go back in time. I know I would have preferred something a little more watchable from the past, but most of the time when you travel backwards through the years, you lose a lot of film value in the horror genre. Some things can be timeless. Some things add a certain amount of cheese to their value over time and even though they aren’t good movies, there’s other qualities that arise that turn some films into classics in their own right. The 80’s were ripe for movies that were poorly or hastily made to age like fine wines into something that’s enjoyable in a whole different sense decades later. I know many might disagree with me on my assessment, but Sleepaway Camp did not age well in my opinion.

The opening of the movie really nailed it for me. I mean, I don’t want to just be negative right off the bat but I got serious Austin Powers vibes from the initial sequence where a speed boat “accidentally” runs over another boat, not far from shore. There’s absolutely nothing about the scene that’s any kind of normal. It immediately reminded me of the scene in the Mike Myers feature where veteran sketch comedian and MadTV alum, Michael McDonald, plays a Dr. Evil lackey who stands 50 feet away from a slow moving steamroller driven by Myers as Austin. The scene is played for laughs, poking fun at the ridiculous nature of similar scenes in serious films where an easily avoidable calamity is forced on the viewer as it is necessary to the plot in some form or fashion. It’s totally unnatural and poorly written which makes it ripe for parody. In Austin Powers it’s a great gag. In Sleepaway Camp, it simply made me sit here with my mouth agape wondering why I wasn’t turning it off immediately. It wasn’t that I was dedicated to the cause or that I could write it off. I think the reality was that I couldn’t believe it was this bad this soon and had to imagine that it was just a fluke. It was not.

I promise I’m not going to go in increments of five minutes throughout the entire film, though there’s definitely something I could comment on in that time frame, easily. However, I do feel like notating that this film makes a curiously deliberate choice within the first 10 minutes of the film to include relatively open pedophilia. As the children are arriving at camp, one of the kitchen staff does not mince words at all when stating his obvious attraction to pretty much any of the kids who will encourage his incoming advances. Secondary spoiler alert, he acts on his intentions like five minutes from this and is badly burned within 10. Thankfully he’s out of the movie after this moment and while there are other awkward romantic entanglements, I’m not entirely sure they are quite as illegal as this one clearly is. They’re still icky. And weird. But not necessarily criminal behavior. In the grand scheme of this movie, I have to say that diving headfirst into a handsy camp cook is far more aggressively disturbing than the finale of the film, especially that early in the plot of the movie.

The rest of the movie doesn’t unfold in a manner that I found to be all that enticing. Maybe it was that I have no connection to the source material in the right way. This movie came out in 1983 and that’s when I was born. I never snuck and watched it at a sleepover in my childhood. I didn’t catch this one on a cable channel, edited for time and content of course, anywhere in my youth. While I wasn’t blind to this one entirely, I don’t have any ties to it in a meaningful way so it just sort of exists for me. With nothing to bind me to this film in any special kind of way, there really isn’t a whisper of nostalgia for me to cling to with this one. Some of the horror movies I’ve watched later in life still hold a special place simple because I can recall wondering when the day would come that I’d finally get to watch one of those boxes sitting on the shelf at my local video store. Walking up and down the aisle, seeing all the VHS boxes, I still remember a great many of them and the curiosity of how their stories unfolded was an intrigue that stuck with me on some films. That fact has allowed me to overlook certain flaws in some movies and enjoy them nonetheless. I hold the Halloween franchise in great esteem. The first installment was one I saw on USA in my youth. It wasn’t until years later that I would see the full version of the film, but it’s always had a special place for me in the halls of iconic horror movies. That being said, many of the other films are total garbage. But I do love the franchise as a whole despite this fact. Most of Friday the 13th movies are nearly unwatchable. But I still enjoy them for one reason or another. So I can overlook a lot of poorly made, flaw ridden pieces of garbage and still find elements of enjoyability that allow me to pop the disc back in the player and spin it one more time. Sleepaway camp does not fall in that category at all.

I could spend all kinds of time on the acting and the writing. It’s all bad. I will say that I found it refreshing how the insult “Peckerhead” made not one, but two appearances in the course of the film. If anything, this film is ripe for a Rifftrax commentary track. Every scene would allow for any number of humorous observations as dialogue is delivered either flatly and awkwardly or incredibly over the top. It truly is a spectacle to see something helmed this poorly. It feels like it was contrived, filmed, edited, and presented as a complete film over a long holiday weekend. Not that there’s really a better film waiting in the wings. I don’t think there are even the bones of a more adept presentation that could be excavated from the remains of this movie. It just is what it is.

The ending of this movie appears to have some legendary nature to it. I won’t go into it, even with the caveat of a spoiler warning. Even being aware of the fact that there is a twist ending seems like cheating. There’s elements of it that seem easy to figure out having all the information. I believe there’s a piece of information I may have missed early on in the film, or maybe just didn’t pay attention to as the “reveal” isn’t nearly as shocking as it’s intended to be. It’s disturbing for sure, but even that doesn’t seem like it hit in the manner it was supposed to. Frankly by the end I was just happy it was over.

So how do I rank this movie. Oddly enough, sitting here thinking about it, I’d probably watch this one again before I’d return to 28 Years later or even I Know What You Did 2025. It edges it out, but only slightly. I’m not looking to pick this one up, even for comedic value. It’s just so bad. There’s no second part to that sentiment. It never get to the “it’s good” piece. It just keeps being bad. Nothing redeems it. Nothing breathes new life into it. And that’s before you hand it over to the 2025 kids who are going to go through all the problematic items bringing this movie from the 80’s into the future. So if I take all the elements of this movie into consideration. I’m feeling like I can give this one a 3 out of 10. I have to go at least that high since I set the bar with the last couple of movies I’ve digested. 3 does feel fair though. It’s not a good movie by any means. I understand there are people who have an affinity for it. I’m happy they can find value in something that really has done nothing to earn it. I’m legitimately happy that films like this find their audience and people enjoy them. As I’ve said a number of times, this movie was not made for me. I wasn’t the intended audience and I’m still not. So it’s not surprising that I don’t like it. I’m personally thankful for my experiences doing this because I’ve stumbled across movies that I really enjoy now and it’s because I entertained so much garbage and found my own diamonds in the rough. The things I’ve come to appreciate may not make many other top ten lists and that’s the beauty of an artform like this. It’s up to the person watching to determine value. So while it’s a 3 for me, it could be an 8 or a 9 for someone else. Except for 28 Years Later. That truly is a horrible movie no one should watch. Kidding. But still, don’t watch it. It steals something happy from you just by watching it. Like I’m pretty sure I don’t remember summer vacation from when I was 8 now. But as for Sleepaway Camp, I’ll leave it out there for people to find. I won’t be visiting the sequels any time soon for any reason whatsoever. It’s a franchise I’ve invested all I can and I’m thankful to be leaving unscathed. And by that I mean no one has called me a “Peckerhead” or thrown a beehive in on me while “taking a dump”. So with this camp in the rear view mirror, it’s onward and upward towards bigger and better things, I’m sure. Or maybe just more crappy horror movies. We’ll find out tomorrow. Until then, I’ll catch you on the flip side.